Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
