I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
