Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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