I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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