ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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