he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
