Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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