it was like eating out sand paper
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
