i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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