you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
