i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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