you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
organizing the empties. That sober.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
