thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
