Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
