i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
