they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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