Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
