My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
