we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
