My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
