a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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