you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
