i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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