I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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