so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
