I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
