He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
