Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
