i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
