i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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