So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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