I have demons in me.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
