so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
