Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
