it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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