My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
