Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
