I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
