grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
