I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
