Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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