Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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