Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
