Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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