Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
