I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
