he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
