So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
