if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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