Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
