were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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