4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
